SATIRIST

MONSANTO ACQUIRES RIGHTS TO THE SUN

CREVE COEUR, MISSOURI, June 30 — in a ground-breaking move, Monsanto, a multi-national biotechnology corporation, acquired rights to the sun in a 5-4 decision by the U.S. Supreme Court. The decision, led by Clarence Thomas, was hailed by Monsanto President and CEO Hugh Grant as “good news for food producers, food consumers, and the future of humanity.”

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